4th of July

My sweet mom passed on the morning of July 4th. Cody was able to stay with dad for the weekend so I headed home to be with my family. The Hawkins family was doing fireworks so we went over to that. When we pulled in the driveway I went into full panic mode. A serious panic attack. I didn't know how I could face people when my heart was absolutely broken. Everyone got out of the car and left me there to cry. Stan saw me and came right over, then Tara and Katie followed. They just hugged me and let me cry. After the first initial seeing them I was finally able to get out of the car and enjoy the fireworks. The big and little grandkids were all happy to see each other and snuggle in for the show. 

Family is everything, 

 

Last Family Picture

We knew mom was passing and had all gathered to be with her. We took our final family picture on the night of July 2nd not knowing when she would pass. It was late and we had to use a timer since it was just the 8 of us, but it was perfect. All of us together.

On the night of July 3rd it was very much the same. The grandkids had cleared out and it was once again late. Shane had to head home to change water so we gathered and knelt around moms bed and said one last family prayer together. We put together a medicine/sleep schedule for the night so we knew which shift was ours. We knew we wouldn't actually sleep much but all climbed into bed in our beds all over the living room floor. We slept together as a family (except Shane) those last two nights and it was perfect. Just the way mom would have wanted it. 

Early on the morning of July 4, 2021, Arnica woke to do the 2:45am medicine shift. She gave mom the first dose as mom struggled to breath, she started the 2nd dose as mom started to gasp for air. Arnica quickly woke up dad and the rest of us siblings and we sat very reverently and watched our sweet mom pass. She passed just a few mins after 3am on Sunday July 4th. 

Welcome Welcome Sabbath Morning

Now we rest from all our cares.

It didn't surprise us at all that mom would wait until Sunday morning to pass. So very fitting. 

Hospice

I cannot say enough good about Hospice and the sweet ladies, Brenda (she was like sunshine) and Tina/Saige that were mom's nurses. They were INCREDIBLE. The last few days as mom was passing they came each day and helped her get clean and comfortable. They reassured us as we were working through things we had never experienced before and talked us through it all. They were amazing. This was taken the day before mom passed just after the ladies left and it is one of my favorite pictures of her. She looks so peaceful and beautiful in her blue nighty. 

50 Year Love Story

One of the hardest things about losing our mom to cancer is watching our dad lose his very best friend. These two have been side-by-side for 50 years and watching them the last few days was so precious. When mom knew she was passing she would talk to us about "going." I happened to capture her holding onto dad, pleading with him, "but are you coming too?" she asked. He reassured her through tears that he would come when he could. They sealed it with a kiss. He hardly left her bedside those last few days. Theirs is the kind of love I want 50 years in too. 

 

Long Dark Nights

 Those last few nights when mom was fighting cancer were long dark nights. Us girls and dad would take turns sitting up with her and giving her her medicine. We didn't want her in pain so we watched it very closely. She had such a hard time swallowing so we would have to squirt the medicine in through a syringe around her gums to just be absorbed. She also had such shallow breathing that she would scare us sometimes. She was VERY fidgetty and was constantly pulling at her clothes and her face. She would lift her arm to scratch her face, but wasn't strong enough to hold the weight of it, so it would come crashing down on her face. We would have to hold her hands to try and keep her from pulling and tugging at everything. They told us all of this was normal as people pass, but it was still so hard to watch. Dad and the boys gave her a blessing one night and then the boys turned and gave dad a blessing as well. So many tender, tender moments as we watched her work through her final stages of life. 

Mom's Last Few Days

Mom's last few days were full of hard, hard, hard, but also so many precious tender mercies of the Lord. We were able to surround her with grandkids (she opened her eyes, and would seriously light up with the biggest smiles anytime a new grandkid arrived) and her family. Mom was able to talk to each of the grandkids as they came too. We all squished into her hot house and visited and laughed and giggled and had a great few days together. Even when her eyes were closed and she was resting, if someone said something funny she would grin. We knew she was always listening to us as we surrounded her. 

 

Sister Shirts

 

While we were at moms I had to run to town real quick for a few things so I totally bought us Sister Shirts so we could all be matching, because, why not?!?! :)

In this first picture dad is "ducking out of the way." Hahaha! good job dad! 

This last picture is one dad took on his phone because he wanted a picture of his "girls" all together. We took his phone and took a few "better" ones. Hahaha! We are seriously so much fun! We even got some smiles out of mom in our selfies. 

Hard, HARD Days

Since Laiklie was going to be at girls camp all week and the boys were all working I headed right out Monday morning to be with my mom for a few nights. Arnica and I had both planned to stay Monday night so dad could sleep in his own bed for the night. Us kids tried to do that as often as we could to get dad some much needed rest. We had a fun visit Monday, but on Monday night mom had an AWFUL night. She was up over and over again. She had some things bothering her and some pain and just couldn't get settled. Finally sometime between 3-5am she asked for her coat and to be moved to the couch. Arnica and I got her comfortable there and she slept and slept and slept. We had a hard time waking her up even for just a few minutes and could tell changes were happening quickly in her body. The nurse stopped by for her routine visit and she told us from how mom's body was jerking occasionally that she thought the cancer had possibly moved to her brain and her brain was making her limbs jerk to make sure they were still working. We called Jenny and she came out and stayed Tuesday night with us girls. Dad and all 3 of us camped out in the living room next to mom that night.

Us girls, mom and dad had a great night together, but again, we could tell things were happening fast in mom's body and on Wednesday we decided it was time to start gathering the boys and grandkids as well. Mom was still awake and alert for alot of what was going on, but she struggled with her speech. We could tell she was seeing things from the other side of the veil from things she was saying to us (like "hand it to mom" "are you coming too?" "how long do we have to make them wait?") It was very neat to be a part of the things mom was getting to witness. I will forever be grateful. 

 

Girls Camp 2021

Laiklie got to go to Girls Camp this year with our new ward. She was super hesitant about going with the Foothill Ward instead of the Milo Ward, but when her cousin Sage asked to go with her she decided it was going to be great!

The Relief Society feeds the girls breakfast in this ward as a tradition before they leave that morning. It was so fun to get to be there with them and feel of their excitement before they left. We have great leaders in this ward and they sent several pictures home to the mom's throughout the week so I was able to see in each of the pictures that not only was Laiklie having a great time, but she was making new friends. I will forever be grateful for girls camp and ALL the things it does for our young women. I'm so glad she got to go and had an amazing time.

*also...side note...apparently her and the bishop's daughter Quinn slept in the same twin size top bunk on the bunk bed all week. HAHAHA! There were plenty of beds, so them choosing to do this makes me laugh. Funny girls!